It’s probably best not to ask me how my day was
Because all I’ll probably say is “good”
It won’t be a lie, not exactly
But it’s not the truth, it’s far from the truth
Because the truth is so much broader
And so much more narrow
Because I could just as easily answer
How the last five minutes were
Because I’ve had 200 thoughts flit in and out
in the last 300 seconds
About my teeth
About the weather
About that TV show
About how my arm used to fit around my ex
About my teeth
About paying rent
About how the manatee
Is the closest relative of the elephant
About having sex
About an elephant’s ears
And how they act like air conditioners
And I don’t know how to parse and pick
Which is the most important
And tell you if that thought was good or bad
Those five minutes weren’t good or bad
They just were
And the day just was
It was full of everything
But I don’t have a thing to show for it
Nothing at all
But you want an answer
And I’m standing here shrugging to buy myself some time
And time has taught me
Not to tell people about any of the 10,000 thoughts
Because they’ll either go blank and nod
Or think I’m odd
That I was obsessing all day
Over elephants or sex
Or both
So I tell you what I did today in the broadest strokes
I worked
I ate
I slept
I read a book
And then your eyes glaze over
And I don’t know how to tell you
That I also thought of René Descartes
And how he chose to doubt everything
Even his own existence
And then concluded that he could not doubt his own existence
If he didn’t even exist to begin with
And therefore, because he doubted, he existed
I can’t tell you that
Because that was less than 30 seconds of my day
And I don’t have any more to say about it
And no one gives a shit
And then I’ll just look weird
Or an idiot
Because I am an idiot
You’re an idiot
Everyone’s an idiot
Maybe not now
Maybe not often
But always lurking in the shadows
Your inner idiot waits to take hold
And humiliate you at a moment’s notice
And then the first impression is ruined
And I only got one chance to make it
And then you’ll know I’m a fool
And it’s better to be thought a fool
Than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt
And if you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all
And don’t talk too much because you’ll seem self-important
And all the other lessons that a good child learns
That I haven’t yet learned to forget
So I keep my mouth shut and my ears open
I take the world in and don’t let it out
And if that makes me look cold and distant
Then I’ll learn not to care
Or fake not caring what the world thinks of me
I’ll learn how to smirk instead of smile
To chuckle instead of laugh
To be terse instead of talkative
My stone face staring down inscrutable
Like the head of an island giant
Until the day comes when I recognize
That wounded look in the other’s eyes
And I see that you think I don’t care
And that it hurts you
And I can’t tell you otherwise
Because the mask I built was secured with superglue
It seemed like a good idea at the time
And when I finally manage rip it off
You’ve had time to work on constructing your own
And now I feel the cool gaze on me
As all I can think to ask
Is how your day was?