I wish I were a narcissist
Oh sure, I'd be horrible to be around
But I wouldn't care
Because I'd be a fucking narcissist
World hunger? Gee, that's terrible
But hey, at least I'm awesome
My friend's having a real rough day?
Cheer up, man, I'm here
Oh, God, to have that self confidence,
That self assurance, that self righteousness,
That freedom from self doubt,
That utter lack of self-awareness.
Oh, the things I could accomplish
If I thought I was hot shit.
Oh, to know that I, one among billions
Am DESTINED for something more, for GREATNESS
To know that I am a wolf among sheep
A shark among minnows
A lion among lambs
A tiger in the sack
And the elephant in the room
(Everyone is thinking about me
Even if nobody is saying it)
Oh, to know that when a girl smiles at me
It's not because she's a nice person
It's because she wants to jump me
Harder than a game of hopscotch
That she'd tap that until it fell off
And it's only because she's shy that she doesn't say it
And I would be perfectly justified in hitting on her
Shamelessly, repeatedly, relentlessly,
Ignoring any signs of indifference
Or uneasiness or outright hostility
As just her playing hard to get
Oh, I wish I were a narcissist
Because then, I'd always know
That someone loved me
Because then, I'd always know
I was worthy of their love
Because then, I'd always know
They were worthy of mine