I dreamed of a man in a hippo mask who laughed as he approached me.
His eyes were wild as he danced and twitched behind his hippo smile.
And because this was a dream, I soon found I was now the man,
Laughing in his voice and staring out with hippo eyes,
As I turned to see a cheering crowd surging forth to greet me.
And so I walked among the throng like a Mardi Gras king,
like a Chinese New Year Lion, lumbering forward as they all delighted in me.
I laughed, and they laughed with me, and threw great handfuls of food to me,
and I opened my mouth, and felt the mask split in half,
Felt my head tip back and my jaws stretch wider than they had ever done,
For now it was not just a mask, but my own great hippo head,
Maw stretched wide to catch their tributes,
Flashing huge jutting tusks and shovel-like peg teeth.
And as they laughed, I roared, and chased them,
And then they screamed and ran.
Because now they all remembered that the meanest beast in Africa
Is not the lion or the snake, not the crocodile or hyena,
Not the rhino or the elephant. No,
The creature feared above all else is a large, angry hippo,
So they screamed, and they ran,
And some abandoned their children in their panic.
And two of these I caught, a little boy and girl, too slow to run away.
And in a voice as deep as graves I cackled “I’ve got you now” and rushed them.
And as I heard them scream, the world faded solid red, then black.
But as I woke and gained control, I forced that voice to say “Just kidding!”
As I felt fingers search my throat for the edges of a mask.