It doesn’t matter what I think or feel
There will be no grand revelation
No rom-com baring of the soul in the rain
I’ve been in that car before, felt that endorphin rush
And it hurt too much in the long run
But I must acknowledge the gravity you exert
I’ve reshaped my brain a bit for you
Changed habits to stay in your orbit
Spoken when I would be silent
Eaten when I was not hungry
Made friends because they are your friends
And in a world that doesn’t exist
Where we are not who and where we are
I would ask a question
And you already told me your answer
Which makes it easier
Strangely
Seeing this other, maybe happier life I am not leading
Doesn’t hurt the way it used to
I never thought it would be this easy
To say ‘I love you’ in the dark to a memory
Knowing it won’t be said back
Not that way
Maybe this is becoming a grown up
Accepting the things you cannot change
Like that stupid cross-stitched prayer
That stared at me from childhood’s dining room wall
The Lord, it seems, has finally seen fit to grant me
The chill grey blessing of serenity
Though He’s yet to make good
On the courage and wisdom