I think of you sometimes.
I'm sorry about that
I really try to avoid the subject
You aren't healthy for me
As I was not healthy for you
But I do
In spite of my best intentions
Think of you sometimes
I think of the things you taught me
The books I'd never have read
The movies I'd never have seen
The music I'd never have heard
All that, and more, you mutant
I was supposed to be the mature one
The wise one
But you never did like to conform
I remember how saying "tell me something"
Became code for "tell me anything at all"
I think of how I felt understood
That you could take anything I said
That you would never judge me
(Though now we know better)
I think of how you trusted me
How you told me of the quiet moments
Of how he looked on you in that moment
I think of how I betrayed you by wanting more
And how you betrayed me by not saying goodbye
It was the right thing to do
Any therapist would agree
But it hurt
And it hurts
And I'll never tell you now
How you literally saved my life
And though I keep moving
And occupy my mind
And live my life
With as little regret as I can manage
(And we both know I can manage quite a bit)
When I least expect it
When I least want to
When everything says I shouldn't
I think of you